Kingdom Hearts For Dummies
by TheMasterLink
Summary: [COMPLETE] Meet the Kingdom Hearts gang in a story too funny for words through 5 adventures. They all may be short but they all are hilarious.
1. Kingdom hearts

One day one destiny island all was well and Riku had returned and...Sora had...So everyone was mainly there and everything was back to normal. That is untill the gummi-ship came down from the sky and accidentaly landed on Soras house. As Sora ran out screaming Donald and Goofy hopped out and looked around.

"Yep. This is the place!" Said Donald.

"You need to learn how to drive though." Said Sora.

"Sora! We have terrible news!" Said Goofy.

Sora looked at his house.

"It cant be worse than my house being crushed." Said Sora.

"It is!" Said Donald. "Ansem has returned!"  
"...Well like I said it cant be worse than my house being crushed."  
"Shut up Sora and help."  
"What do I do?"  
"The same thing you did last time!"  
"Ok..."

Sora went into the gummi-ship and blasted off leaving Donald and Goofy behind.

"Idiot." Said Goofy.  
"I hate him." Said Donald.

"Me too." Said Kari.

Everyone stared at Kari.

"What?" She asked.

Sora soon realised he forgot donald and goofy and turned around then picked them up.

"Okay." Said Sora. "Didnt I kill Ansem last time?"  
"You whacked him with you're keyblade and he ran home yelling owwie owwie owwie!" Said Donald.

"So didnt he die?"   
"You didnt get the point you see sora you onl-"

The ship stopped as is crashed into something. Everyone looked out to see they crashed straight into wonderland destroying it.

"One down 9 to go." Said Donald.

"DONALD!" Yelled Sora panicking.

"What?"  
"We ran out of froot loops!"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

Donald was so distracted he started crashing through each heartless infested place. Lastly they smashed through traverse town.

In traverse town

A moogle was walking around to a shop.

"Id like one Chocobo,Kupo!" Said the Moogle.

"Im not Kupo im Leon." Said Leon.

"Sorry...Kupo."  
"Im Leon!"  
"Sure and im Sora,Kupo!"  
"No Sora has spikey hair!"  
"Just give me my food."

As the moogle left he saw a gummi-ship come towards Traverse Town. The Moogle smiled to see Sora was back but soon ran when he saw Traverse Town crumbling.

"Noooo,Kupo!" Said the moogle. "I dont have insurance yet! Please!"

Traverse town soon was destroyed though...MUHAHAHAHAHHAAHA! ahem Back to the heros now.

Back at the ship

Sora was still watching Traverse Town crumble as a Moogles body flung up and hit the windsheild.

"Awwwwwww man." said donald. "I just cleared off a chocobos body from the windsheild yesterday..."  
"Poor Traverse Town..." Said Sora. "I hope Leon made it!"

Soon leons body smacked up against the windsheild making it too hard to see.

"I cant freaking see!" Said Donald trying franticly to drive.

Soon Donald accidentaly drove into the End Of The World. Ansem smiled as he saw them coming.

"Ahhhhhh...They finnaly made it. Well this time im not holding back!" Said Ansem. "Im going to use full pow-"

Ansem screamed as the gummi-ship hit him.

"Not again!" Said Donald.

"You nailed Ansem!" Said Goofy.  
"w00t u r teh pwnzors!" Said Sora.

"Okay what?" Asked Donald.

"I said w00t u r teh-"  
"Forget it."

Soon they were back on destiny islands and accidentaly landed on Riku.

"Goodbye cruel world...And career in video games..." Said Riku as he died.

"Sorry Riku." Said Sora. "We'll beack up the ship so you can get out."

Sora backed up the ship accidentaly knocking Kari down.

"Sorry Kari!" Said Sora.  
"You've got 10 seconds to give me you're keyblade and hit you." Said Kari.

"Sorry."  
"Wait...Is that a moogle, Leon, and Ansem on the windsheild?"  
"Yep."  
"w00t u r teh pwnzors!"

Donald frowned.

"Kids these days..." said donald as he started up the gummi ship and blasted off.

"Well what now?" Asked Sora.

"Well you're time is up to give me you're keyblade so I can hit you so lets pound on Riku."

Riku finnaly woke up.

"Sora!Never land the ship on me again! Said Riku. "Next time ill-ow!"

Riku fell to the ground as Sora and kari started hitting Riku.

"What now?" Asked Sora.  
"Stop the story?" Asked Kari.  
"Sure. I mean I got nothing better to do."  
"Well...You can save the universe again."  
"Nah. Leave it to Barbie."  
"Barbie doesnt save the universe..."  
"Sorry. Blue form Blues Clues?"  
"Shut up."

The End


	2. Kingdom hearts 2

Finnaly...I thought it was all over...I had him pinned down but blast it all I lost. Then a new adventure started! This is what happened in Kingdom Hearts 2...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yelled Sora. "Impossible!"

"Too bad." Said Riku.

"But I had you pinned down and and and-"  
"Shut up and get ready for round 2."

Soon Kari walked in.

"Whats going on?" Asked Kari.

"I whooped Soras fat butt at super smash bro's melee!" Said Riku.

"My butts not fat." Murrmered Sora.

"Well guys." Said Kari. "It seems that destroying all the other worlds a week ago you brought a great evil with you!"

"What is it?" Asked Sora.

"I dont know. But this time Donald and Goofy cant help."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

4 hours later...

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"  
"Are you done?" Asked Kari.

"No.Give me another 6 hours. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"Shut up. and why are they so important?"

"They have the fruit loops."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"  
"Ill leave now..."

Sora headed for the gummi ship but forgot it wasnt there.

"Well." Said Sora. "We need to lure the evil here!"

"How?" Asked Kari.  
"Hmmmmmmmm...I think I have the perfect plan!"

Later at Toys R us...

"Sora...What are we doing here?" Asked Kari.

"Buying a PSP. They're all the rage." Said Sora.

"Shut up."  
"How about plan B!"  
"Plan B aways works for Johnny Depp so I say go for it."  
"Yay!"

Later in the gaming department of Walmart.

"SORA WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?" Shouted Kari.

"Buying...Kingdom Hearts!" Said Sora  
"Why buy it when you lived it?"  
"Who asked you?"

"Myself and im gonna hate myself if I dont get in the car and leave without you..."

"While you're there go to the mall and get a DS will ya?"  
"!#$!$#$$!#!#$$!#!$!$$#!$!$!#12!$!$$!#$!"

"Okay what?"

"Sorry. I said:IM GETTING IN THE CAR WITHOUT YOU YOU STUPID KID!"

"..."  
"Ill give you yogurt if you go away."  
"Thats good."  
"But the yogurt is cursed."  
"Thats bad."  
"But you're choice of topping."

"Thats good."  
"But the toppings contain cloriean and any other poisionus stuff we could buy."

"..."

"Thats bad."  
"Look go away."

"Wait I have a plan C!"  
"To the Kingdomhearts-mobile!"

Later in Walmart...in the food department...

"Sora...This plan better work." Said Kari.

"It will." Said Sora.  
"I mean...Well...get in the Kingdomhearts-mobile."

"K."

Back at the place they live in destiny islands.

"Sora?" Asked Kari.

"Yes?" Replied Sora.

"Do you really thing making a huge mouse trap and putting cheese and froot loops on top is a good plan?"  
"...DO NOT RESIST THE POWER OF THE CHEESE!"

Soon Riku walked in.

"Why guys whats up?" Asked Riku.  
"Well you havent been in the story much but Im sure thats old news to you now you can watch as we catch evil!"

"With a trap?"  
"Yeah!"  
"Perfect plan it will never fail!"

Soon they were staring at the trap for hours on end.

"Guys I dont think this will work." Said Kari.

"DO NOT RESIST THE ULTIMATE POWER OF CHEESE AND FRUIT LOOPS COMBINED!" Sora and Riku said in unison.  
"Okay I will..."

"DO NOT RESIST WE SAY!"  
"Whatever..."

Soon ansem was walking by.

"Thats the evil!" Said Sora.  
"Im not evil anymore. Well yes I am but what did I do?"  
"Made evil happen!"  
"Well yes before bu-"  
"HE CONFESSES!"  
"LOOK SHUT UP!"  
"..."  
"Okay now whats with the tra-OH BOY! CHEESE AND FROOT LOOPS COMBINED!"

"We got him."  
"MMMM...OW! WHAT DID I DO TO THE CHEESE TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN!"  
"We got him.

Soon though a car drove up and out came the real evil...

"NO WAY!" Said Sora holding back tears of fear.

"It cant be!" Said Kari.

"Impossible!" Said Riku.

"ITS-" They all said. "HAPPY TREE FRIENDS!"

Soon they all took out chainsaws.

"ONE THING TO DO!" Said Sora. "BLOW THEM UP!"

So Sora took out a stick of dynomite and lit it then threw it at the happy tree friends. They all blew up.

"That was close." Said Sora.  
"See cheese is awesome!" Said Riku.

"..." Said Kari. "OH BOY CHEESE AND FROOT LOOPS COMBINED!"

Kari jumped at the food and soon the trap came down on her cutting her body in half.

"Poor..poor Kari." Said Sora shaking his head.

"What about me!" Said Riku. "I didnt die HAHAHaHAHAHaHA!"

Soon though one happy tree friend the pirate came up and took out the keyblade. He then stabbed Riku to death.

"MUAHAHHAHAHA!" Said the pirate as a whale came up behind him. "Wait...oh crap."

So the pirate was swollowed Kari and Riku and Ansem were dead and everything was happy once more...But watch out. The happy tree friends might come back...But what are the chances I mean they all died!

**The End**


	3. Kingdom Hearts 3

I was so close...Yet so fat-I mean far...This is what happened in Kingdom hearts III. AKA: Kingdom Hearts 3...

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yelled Sora.

"What did you do now Sora?" Asked Kari.  
"Im taking my driving test!"   
"Goodie."  
"Will you be the person that grades my score?"  
"Ill get the big airbag and put it in."  
"K."

So Kari went into her house and brought back a hot air ballon thing.

"Got the airbag."  
"Good."  
"Now put it in gear."  
"K."

Sora put the car in gear and slammed his foot onto the pedal making the car jerk into the water.

"SORA YOU IDIOT!"  
"What did I do?"  
"You drove the car through the ocean to the other side of the planet and its out of gas!"  
"Who wants Cheese and Foort loops?"  
"Dont tempt me." Said Kari grabbing the bag of Cheese loops.

Soon they got out and swam to a island.

"Hmmmmmm..." Said Sora.  
"What?"  
"There seems to be no live whatsoever on this island except this shark clinging to my butt and us."

"You know what?"  
"What?"  
"Go to that island over there." Kari pointed to a island 250 yards from them.  
"K."

So Sora swam over and soon was pulled under water!

"SORA?" Yelled Kari panicking.

Sora came up on the island with the shark still hanging to his butt.

"You know happy tree friends have more luck than us." Said Kari.

"My Butt hurts."  
"Definatly."

Soon a happy tree friend fell out of the sky and into a tree. It was a tree on Karis island and she watched as it head slid down the tree scince his head went straight through it.

"I stand corrected."  
"I dont. My butt still hurts."

"I hate you."  
"Me too."  
"...You hate you'reself?"  
"Yeah for letting this shark cling to my butt."  
"Shut up."  
":D"  
"o.0"  
":)"  
"):("  
":P"  
");("  
":O-----------------------------------------------------"  
"Ewwww..."  
":D"  
"Shut up sora now lets think."  
"Yeah. Whats 10-3?"  
"7 dumbhead..."  
"Good cause the shark ate three of my toes. At least I have 7 left."  
"I hate you."  
"Me too."

"Hey Sora maybe if I kick our car it will fill up like in cartoons."

So Kari kicked the car making it fill up and go in reverse over Kari and stopping at Sora.

"CRAPPIT! SORA HELP ME!"  
"Do I get a A+ on my car test?"  
"No."  
"Then forget it."

And with that Sora drove off.

"Im going to kill that kid..."  
"Not me..." Said a voice.

"Who are you?"  
"Im Mr. T."  
"MR. T?"  
"Yeah and I got my butt kicked by him...twice."  
"MR.T LOST TO A IDIOT?"  
"Sorry but im going to die soon too."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

Soon Soras car backed up again running over Mr.T and Kari killing them.

"Sorry guys." Said Sora.

"Mr. T (thats me) Will never die...dies"  
"Too bad."

And with that sora drove off again.

**THE END**


	4. Kingdom hearts 4

Now presenting...with all honor and everything else we have we present kingdom hearts 4!

One day at the beach Kari and Sora were sitting on a tree.

"Sora?" Asked Kari.

"Yeah?" Replied Sora.

"Why is you're hand inside a toaster?"  
"Wha-AHHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"

Sora shook the toaster untill it fell to the tree branch.

"Whew..."   
"SORA ITS IN THERE AGAIN!"  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sora took out the toaster and threw it into the sea.

"Sora..."  
"Ya?"  
"I hate you."  
"We did this joke already."  
"We did?"  
"Let me see that script!" looks at script

"..."  
"You're right...SORA IT IN THERE AGAIN!"  
"NO! THE TOASTER IS EVIL!"

**THE**

**END**

Authors note:Sorry for shortness but im getting ready for the grand finale of the final chaper today.


	5. Kingdom Hearts: Final Mix

Get ready for the final Kingdom Hearts installment called...

_Kingdom Hearts:Final Mix_

It was another great day on destiny islands...That is untill.

"Sora why is the garbage in the sea?" Asked Riku.

"Oh Hi Riku." Said Sora. "You werent in many chapters whats up with that?"  
"I dont know and I dont care...NOW WHAT IS THE GARBAGE DOING IN THE OCEAN!"  
"DUDE WHERES MY CAR?"  
"...No seriouisly."  
"Uhhhhh ahem of course thats diolouge from dude:wheres my car."

"GARBAGE?"  
"Oh...Well uhhhhh...Ask kari."  
"Kari went to Hollow Bastion.

"She did?"  
"No. Now why is the garbage in the sea?"  
"Okay Leon suggested it."  
"Leons here?  
"Yeah."  
"Ill kill that guy..."

Riku went out and into soras house. Sora could hear things like:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and:UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and:AFKSGJAGJAJGAOJTOQJ!

"K sora I killed Leon!"

**THE END**

"Oh no you dont!" Yelled Leon. "This isnt over!"  
"K." Said Riku stabbing Leon a few more times.

"NOOOO...Sora avenge me!"

So Sora summoned the keyblade and whacked riku with it making Riku black out. When Riku woke up he was in a room with sora in.

"Now then..." Said Sora. "WHERE WHERE YOU IN THE PAST CHAPTERS?"  
"Meeting King Micky for a cup 'o tea."  
"o.0"  
"What?"  
"You're free to go."

"No seriously."  
"Punch me in for next time and you're free to go."  
"K. You're scheduled for in 5 hours to meet him."

"Yay I get to meet him for tea!"  
"thats a cup 'o tea to you."  
"Whatever. Can Kari come?"  
"She died 3 times remember? In the first 3 chapters."  
"...nope. Well im gonna go ask."  
"SHES DEAD!"  
"No she isnt! If she was why did she enjoy that hamburger I gave her?"  
"You stuffed it down her throught."  
"She was having trouble."  
"You sad strange little man."  
"Thats diolouge from toy story isnt it?"  
"Shut up."

So Sora went in search of members to come with him to meet the king with.

"Yo Kari you wanna come?" Asked Sora.

"..."

"Wait take you're time..."  
"..."  
"..."  
"..."  
"..."  
"..."  
"KARI HURRY UP!"

"..."  
"Ok you're not going!"

Soon Sora went to Donald and Goofys house.

"YO DONALD GOOFY WANNA COME MEET THE KING WITH ME?"  
"No!" Yelled Donald.  
"...Have you changed you're mind?"  
"NO!"

"K."

So Sora went to ask Tidus...Too bad though he was shooting for final fantasy X. Sp Sora gave up hope of finding anyone and went on his own. He soon arrived at King Mickys Tea room.

"Ahhhhh Riku you're here. Ive devised a plan to get rid of that Sora kid." Said Micky.  
"Riku? Im Sora. And what was that about getting rid of me?"  
"Uhhhhhhhh...SORA? Im going to kill you!"  
"Why?"  
"Cause im Ansem in disquise."  
"Do the ears hurt?"  
"No."  
"Ive got myself a halloween mask."  
"Wha-lets fight!"

Soon Sora was fighting and fighting. It was feirce and soundful with all the clang clang and crap. Soon though the real king walked in.

"Wasup homes?" Asked the Real Micky.

"MICKY? HOW DID YOU ESCAPE YOU'RE CELL?"  
"I opened it with a toothpick."  
"How did you though?"  
"It was a iron toothpick."  
"Darn! Sora Seize him hes a intruder I mean wait I already told you im ansem sooo...ahem...crap."  
"Die!"

So the King defeated ansem and killed him once and for all. And they all lived happily ever after...Except kari she was mad at Sora im sure!

THE END


End file.
